“But they believe in God..” – The dangers (and disobedience) of missionary dating

This is one of those sayings that I hear too many times. I normally hear it after a christian tries to justify dating a non believer. To those who don’t know what missionary dating, it is basically when a Christian dates a non-Christian and then tries to convert them while they are dating them. The Christian knows within their heart that the other person is not a Christian, but deceives themself into thinking that it is still OK because ‘they believe in God’.

A female called TBS wrote to Trisha Ramos (Taken from Fish with Trish) with the following question addressing this point:

I’m dating this Muslim guy, and after my ex’s, which have been Muslim too, I thought I would never date another. I know what I want in my future husband and to have him believe and practice my faith as well. He is completely an awesome guy and I do love him. NOTHING like my past relationships. Ive made it clear I WILL NOT MARRY anyone who isn’t Christian. So he’s told me he loves me as well and would love to learn, look into Christianity and has been doing research on his own as well. Def. would love to bring him to services with me….Ive also questioned his converting.. if that’s what he chooses, I would not want it to be because of me solely and that he would want to on his own. I know he cant get to heaven though ME! My question. Do I wait? Or know this will end terribly and end it now? I’m just so confused and thought I could come to you for some advice! – TBS

Here is the reply which I know will answer many of you who find yourself in a similar position dating a non-believer:

Dear TBS,

<will end terribly and end it now?>>

My advice and the bibles advice: Don’t date him. But rather, witness to him and then keep your distance. If he is a true convert, invite him to church (to meet you there) and that is the only context in which I would see him. Then you’ll see if he is serious about the Lord. If he continues to go for a long period of time and demonstrates genuine repentance, it might be evidence that he is going because of the Lord and not just for you.

Remember, there is no such thing as “missionary” dating. We don’t date to convert. Don’t “date” him in hopes that he will get “saved”. Rather, get to know someone who IS a Christian and then marry.

You are not to be unequally yoked (2 Cor 6:14,1 John 1:6). So scripture is clear that you are to cut it off. Imagine a Christian spouse toying with the question, “Is it okay for me to commit adultery…maybe I’ll pray about it?” Scripture makes it clear that you are never to commit adultery. In the same way, scripture makes it clear that you are not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. You don’t have to debate or pray about cutting it off. God has given you the manual (the Bible) to guide you and to light your path (Psalm 119:105).

And also remember that you have a real adversary (The Devil) who
seeks to devour and destroy you. There is a spiritual battle going on here (2 Cor 10:5, Eph 6:12).

I’m so glad you have emailed. I hope this has helped a bit.

The Love Dare

I know I have been late but over the Christmas period, I watched the film Fireproof and I personally think it has to be one of the best, if not the best Christian film that I have watched. Here is a brief description of the film:

At work, inside burning buildings, Capt. Caleb Holt lives by the old firefighter’s adage: Never leave your partner behind. At home, in the cooling embers of his marriage, he lives by his own rules. Growing up, Catherine Holt always dreamed of marrying a loving, brave firefighter…just like her daddy. Now, after seven years of marriage, Catherine wonders when she stopped being “good enough” for her husband. Regular arguments over jobs, finances, housework, and outside interests have readied them both to move on to something with more sparks. As the couple prepares to enter divorce proceedings, Caleb’s father challenges his son to commit to a 40-day experiment: “The Love Dare.” Wondering if it’s even worth the effort, Caleb agrees-for his father’s sake more than for his marriage. When Caleb discovers the books daily challenges are tied into his parents’ newfound faith, his already limited interest is further dampened. While trying to stay true to his promise, Caleb becomes frustrated time and again. He finally asks his father, “How am I supposed to show love to somebody who constantly rejects me?” When his father explains that this is the love Christ shows to us, Caleb makes a life-changing commitment to love God. And, “with God’s help” he begins to understand what it means to truly love his wife. But is it too late to fireproof his marriage? His job is to rescue others. Now, Caleb Holt is ready to face his toughest job ever … rescuing his wife’s heart.

Last year, I attended The Marriage Course in my church which I found very helpful indeed, especially when it came to love languages. However, there was so much to learn and from so many different angles. If your church is hosting on or you know a church which is, I would highly recommend attending,  as you will learn things that you probably wouldn’t have thought about before.

Without giving away the story in Fireproof, the 40-day experiment is based on The Love Dare which…

…….. …personally leads you through daily devotionals, records your thoughts and experiences, and ends each day daring you to perform a simple act of love for your spouse. This 40-Day journey equips you to melt hardened, separated hearts into an enduring love that can withstand the flames of fear, pride and temptation. The Love Dare book will help you reinforce and enrich your marriage, earn back a love you thought was lost, and hear more about the One who not only designed unconditional, sacrificial love—He illustrated it.

In a world that attacks, devalues, and redefines relationships every day, learn how to rescue and protect your marriage from the firestorm. Take The Love Dare and FIREPROOF your relationship.

Topics Discussed in The Love Dare book

In FIREPROOF, The Love Dare covers the topics of relationship parasites (addictions like pornography and gambling) and unconditional love. The Love Dare devotional book expands and extends the topics addressed in the film’s plot to include such vital issues as:

• Why Marriage? Explore the blessings and challenges of godly marriage.
• Contract or Covenant? Examine the difference between the world’s design for marriage and God’s original intention.
• Clean Fighting. Learn how to fight the fires of conflict effectively and respectfully.
• Leading Your Heart, Instead of Vice Versa. Practice choosing love when it isn’t your instinctive respon

To read the Love Dare and maybe use it in your marriage, click on one of the versions below

The Love Dare – Full Version

The Love Dare – Condensed Version

Happy New Year

Happy New Year Everyone.

Instead of writing something new, my messages last year still hold true this year. Click here and here to read them

Thanks to all my readers and to those of you who have subscribed to my blogs or made comments

Christmas for Dummies

Q. Assuming that you agree with Christmas, why should it be celebrated?
A. To celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ

Q. Why was Jesus born?
A. To save us from our sins and the consequences of sin, namely God’s wrath which will eventually lead us to hell. (Romans 5:8-9, Romans 6:23, 1 Timothy 1:15)

Q. What exactly is sin?
A. Sin is the breaking of God’s law. e.g lying, stealing, adultery (1 John 3:4)

Q. How does Jesus save us from our sins?
A. By dying on the cross and taking the punishment that should have been ours (1 Peter 2:24)

Q. In that case, is everyone saved?
A. No, only those who have repented (said sorry to God and turned from their sins) and put their trust in Jesus alone for their salvation (Acts 20:21)

Q. How then can I be saved?
A. As stated above, through repentance and faith in Jesus. For a more in depth explanation of this, click here or go to www.needgod.com. If you like hip hop, go to www.readthisbeforeyoudie.com and if you don’t like hip hop, you can still go to this site and click STOP and flip through the pages and read them.

Hopefully this is clear. No need to be a ‘dummy’ anymore.

Trip Lee, Eric Mason & Lecrae discuss Theological Imperialism – Can anyone bridge the divide between historically black churches and gospel-centered theology?

If like me you are a black Christian, the chances are that you have either come from a black pentecostal type background or you are still part of it. You can read a bit of my background from my About Me section and from my post ‘Black church, White church : The dangers of being in a single-raced church’.  I left that style of church some time ago now and would say that I am more in the reformed camp now. As a person, my goal was one thing and one thing only. I just wanted to hear truth. Period.

The interview below is very enlightening and addresses some of the challenges between historically black churches and gospel-centered theology. Take a listen

John Piper – You Can’t Scare People Into Heaven

Blinded by loyalty

As per my About Me section, when I started this blog, the main reason is, if I am honest is that I was fed up of just going with the flow of what had become the norm in a lot of Christendom and wanted to get things off my chest. Most christians that I knew (including me) had swallowed the health and wealth prosperity gospel. Watching some of the preachers on TBN and God TV such as Creflo Dollar and Benny Hinn without REALLY lining up what they said with correct interpretation of scripture. Some of these (and our) pastors were twisting scripture but because it was the norm, we were deceived into thinking that because everyone was saying it and because these were respected leaders, it must be true.

Over the past few years, I have been encouraged to know that many people are beginning to question what they have been fed. However, many think that they are saved but in reality are actually self-deceived because they are blinded by false promises constantly talking about blessings, breakthrough and/or divine favour. A classic example can be seen in the video below

My message to you is this. Examine your motives for staying where you are. Are you TRULY being fed and growing spriritually or are you suffering spritually and just staying because of friends or because of loyalty to your church and/or your pastor even though they may not be preaching the gospel or may not be righly dividing scripture?  I was in that position once when I stayed out of loyalty, not because of a longing for correct use of scripture. I really depended on ‘Christian’ TV for my food. Obviously, each case will be different and it maybe that some pastors are approachable with your concerns and will seriously listen to you. In my own personal experience though, those occasions are rare. Click here and here for reasons why you should or shouldnt leave your church and please get some wise godly counsel but please don’t stay out of loyalty alone

UPDATE: When I started to write this post it was basically about what I have stated above and then I came across a few things this week which made me realise that blind loyalty comes in different forms. First check out the vide below of Lexi interviewing Bishop Oliver Clyde Allen and First Gentleman (thats right, not Lady but Gentleman) Rashad. This is an example of what happens when people hold a low view of scripture and hold their opinions higher.

HT: I’m Speaking Truth

The people are all willing to ignore the explicit commands of scripture to justify their sins and you can see how their loyalty to the ‘bishop’ is as a result of this. Now I have no problems with people struggling with their sins, no matter what form it takes, whether it be homosexual sins or hetrosexual sins, but I do have a problem when people try to justify it as if God has given it the green light. NEWSFLASH: It is NOT OK.

²⁴Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, ²⁵because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

²⁶For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; ²⁷and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. (Romans 1:24-27)

Then today I came across this news story on Sky News

At least six people have dies in Britain after being told they had been healed of HIV and could stop taking their medication, Sky News has discovered

There is evidence evangelical churches in London, Manchester, Birmingham and Glasgow are claiming to cure HIV through God.

Sky sent three undercover reporters to the Synagogue Church of All Nations (SCOAN), which is based in Southwark, south London.

To tell an HIV sufferer that they do not need to take their medication anymore is nothing less than evil and deceptive (see my post Derren Brown: Miracles for Sale). Now this church follows the false teacher T B Joshua and I do not have time to go into this man but you can google his name. Many people follow this man blindly as if he can do no wrong without lining up what he says with scripture

When peoples lives are being wrecked by ministries like this, I will not stay silent and will sound the alarm. Who knows? It may sav a life

DONT BE BLINDED BY YOUR LOYALTY

“180″ Movie – 33 Minutes that will rock your world

Click here for more details

Martin Bashir on The Paul Edwards Program

If you remember, on my previous post, Paul Edwards interviewed Paula White and challenged her theology. Well Paul Edwards spoke to Martin Bashir about

………. his interview with Emergent Universalist Rob Bell of Mars Hill Church in Grand Rapids. Martin discloses whether or not he is a committed Christian and if the blog rumors are true that he attends Tim Keller’s Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City.

As a reminder of that interview that I posted before, watch the video below

To listen to the interview click here

Related Post:

To Hell with Rob Bell

Rob Bell: A Brother to embrace or a wolf to avoid

The marks of false ‘christian’ teaching and teachers Part 11 – The Gospel of Inclusion

The Lexi Show: Bishop Carlton Pearson “The Inclusion Conclusion”

Jesus Wins, Rob Bell and not your definition of your love

My Sins Are Forgiven. Past, Present and Future

When I first became a Christian, one of the things that we were taught is that we had to be careful how we lived because if the rapture came while we were sinning, we would be left behind or if I died suddenly before repenting, then I would be lost. Many a Christian lived in bondage and in fear of sinning while Jesus returned. Then after a while, I began to think logically. Even though we are christians, we all still sin everyday. If I went by the logic that I was taught, that would mean that a lot of people would die in their sins and not be taken with Jesus when he returns because at any given point in a day, many christians would be sinning because of our fallen nature meaning that everything would have been in vain. Or they have a sinful thought (which one of us haven’t) and then some tragic happens before they had time to repent, for example, 9/11, they would be lost in the same way that an unbeliever would be lost. There would be no guarantee of our salvation and it would basically be a gamble. It made no sense and made the cross of Christ a bit useless and ineffective. My salvation would be based on what I do and not what he has done. That was until I fully understood what Christ actually achieved.

Christ’s death on the cross and his atonement for our sins was not just limited to the past and the present but also stretches into the future

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit………..For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. (Romans 8:1,5)

I now understand that once I have repented and put my trust in Christ for my salvation, ALL of my sins have been forgiven. Past present and future. I do not have to live in fear that when Christ comes or when I die, I might be ‘caught in the act’ of sinning in one form or another. I can live with the freedom knowing that even if I have sinned ‘before I have repented’, I will not be condemned and I will not forfeit my inheritance in Christ. Note though that this applies to those that ‘walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit’. In other words those who have had a true and not false conversion and have truly repented.

Now…….

I can hear many people saying ‘Well that’s OK then. If my future sins are forgiven, then I can live how I want’. If those are your thoughts and you’re thinking is how much you can sin and ‘get away with it’, then there is good chance that you are not truly born again and could be self-deceived. Because a true believer hates his sins and has NO desire to continue sinning. This is just one of the ways you can know if you are a true christian.

I always like to see it as me and Christ swapping jackets. Christ takes my ‘sinful’ jacket in exchange for His ‘righteous’ jacket. Christ in my jacket was punished at the cross and when I stand before God, He only sees the righteous jacket and therefore I am not punished because all my sins have been accounted for and taken on by Christ. WHAT A GREAT DEAL!!

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Cor 5:21)

For more on this topic and a further explanation, click here

If you would like to know how you can have your sins forgiven, click here