OK, I received a comment on my post ‘The Church Mafia – Spiritual Abuse in our churches’ and to be honest , it made me quite mad especially about how some pastors treat the flock. So I thought to myself, I need to bring in the troops of those bloggers that I visit on a regular basis whose blogs give my daily encouragement. So Anointed Vessel, Young Calvinist, Lavrai, Daniel, Pilgrim, Bro Melvin, Bro Tyris, I’m Speaking Truth, and Isaiah, we have a sister in need. This is really where our internet ministry’s rubber meets the road.The bible says in 2 Cor 13:1 “By the mouth of two or three witnesses every word shall be established” and it think it is just wise if Tara could get advice from more than one person.

Please read the following from Tara

I am about to walk out of christianity as I am so misunderstood within the Body of Christ. I have been saved for the past 12 years and never was able to submit to ungodly behavior or abuse. Because I spoke out, I was told I am demonic and there is a spirit of Jezebel on me. My husband also told me that the Holy Spirit told him, I have a bad attitude and he left for 2 weeks after 3 months of marriage. i was devastated and wanted to know what type of God was I serving. I apologize for my behavior in order to please him, because I was told my spiritual leaders I must walk in forgiveness. It is now 5 years and still experiencing the condemnation at home as well as the church. Because I share my concerns, they labelled me as having a victim mentality. I am frustrated and feels as if I am in a prision. I can write more . My pastors told me I cannot do anything within the church at the cost of my marriage but they believe my husband is called to be in the worship team. I sat for several months Sunday after Sunday with a broken heart, as I must submit to my husband. Now my husband is using this against me, saying these pastors are right and now see why they deny as ministry activity.

I cried out for help many times, I beg and pleaded. I even curse God and told him I am going to be a Muslim. I rip my Bible because of the frustration. What must I do, I so desperately need help. I cannot even backslide, I tried but never succeed in going back to life before I was a christian.

Please help me

Let us work together to try and encourage Tara and give her some godly counsel. Also let us be sensitive to her situation and try not to confuse her. Even though we are in different countries, Christ unites us all

1 Cor 12:24-26
….but God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. IF ONE PART SUFFERS, EVERY PART SUFFERS WITH IT; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

P.S. Tara, if you prefer me not to have this post, please let me know and I will delete it or make it private but I am sure that it will be beneficial to a lot of people who are going through the same thing

Related post:

The Church Mafia – Spiritual abuse in our churches

The Church Mafia – Spiritual abuse in our churches – A Testimony

Spiritual Abuse – Don’t Suffer in Silence

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Comments
  1. Isaiah says:

    Tara,

    I am sorry to hear about your situation. Before we continue, can you kindly tell us what you are speaking out against. If you’re willing, it will help a whole lot to have all the facts.

  2. Dear Tara

    First I want to encourage you and let you know that you have come to the right place. Brother Alan is a spiritually mature Christian and he has given you a safe place to vent your frustrations. You are safe here and rest assured we are praying for you even now. You are in a valley and all you can see around you are mountains. What you must understand is that your weeping will endure but for a night, but your joy will come in the morning time. Now I know you are probably thinking, “This sister has not walked an inch in my shoes”. And you are correct, because I have traveled miles in my own tattered shoes and those shoes have carried me through many valley experiences and when I could no longer walk, it was Jesus who picked me up and carried me. I can hear the hurt in the words of your testimony and it pained me just reading it. It reminded me of my situation some years ago when I was being persecuted for just who I was. When I became pregnant from a rape, I did not tell the members of the church I attended in Germany what had occurred, they just noticed that I was looking pregnant, suddenly I became ostracized, I no longer could get a ride from my base to the base where church service was held, I had to catch a cab. I hoped one of the members would have mercy and give me a ride back, but Sunday after Sunday they would leave me standing in the parking lot, with tears streaming down my face, a pregnant lonely teenager. To top it off I had been locked in a military chapel and sexually assaulted and when the wife of the man walked in he blamed me and said I was coming on to him, so then I was branded a “home wrecker”. My life went from bad to worse. The church had become a place of torture, not a place of rest. I tried to fight the accusations and was branded with every name and demon but my own name. Now I could go on and on, but I wanted you to understand I can relate in a way to what you are going through. But what you must understand is this, “hurting people, hurt other people”. When people are walking in error, it is all too easy for them to point the finger at others. Because I am not at your church it is hard for me to readily accuse the leadership at your church for being a “Church Mafia” but from your account it sounds like they fit the bill. So what should you do now. Well there is a sound approach, number one, you fight fire with water. The bible says Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. As a wife you still have to submit to your husband. I learned this from listening to my grandmother. My grandfather got his act together some time after my grandmother, he would curse her and drink and smoke and always fussed at her. She suffered endlessly and right when she thought she was about to walk away from God and her marriage. An old lady by the name of Sister Ware, came into her life and began to tell her to pray for him, but not just any prayer but to pray strategically for the areas that she wanted change in. Then she said to speak it. The bible says in Proverbs 18:21The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. She began to say out loud to herself, whenever a negative event happened, she would declare that the opposite was true. She declared “life” into her situation, regardless of how things seemed. She would say my husband is not a drunkard, my home is not shattered. I can attest to this, I have been in ministries where my pastor, ( for lack of a better word) was a literal mental case, and I had to pray for his mind and begin to speak those things that be not as though they were. I began to pray that God’s will for my life be done. It so happened that the church ended up closing it’s doors and I was released and God sent me to a better church. I can’t tell you what God’s will is for you, but as long as your husband is the priest of your home, you must be submissive to him, if he is not being an adulterer. According to the scriptures walking out is not the option. Now THIS… is when faith and people like the folks you are communicating with now come in. We will stand with you in agreement that God will bring about his divine order in the lives of you and your husband. Let me ask you something? Are you perfect? Is everything is your life ship shape? If the answer to that is no, (and don’t worry it’s no for everyone!), then you don’t want to be the one changing your husband because he will change into you and guess what he will end up with the same problems you have and whatever those problems are, will then be magnified by a factor of 2. So allow God to change your husband. When God does the changing and rearranging he does it better than anybody can! It’s just like dealing with a car, it’s still under warranty but has a defect, simply present it to the manufacturer and say, “hey this and this is wrong, can you fix it?” God will always fix things inside of his will. When it comes to the leadership of your church, this is a sensitive issue. It all boils down to how you see things. When you are already hurting, sometimes things can appear far worse than they are. Here is a good example… I received a health science degree in college and during my college years I worked at a medical lab. One of the things we had to wear, were safety goggles, even when looking into a microscope, the problem is, when these things got scratched, it distorted everything I saw, so sometimes I had to get somebody without scratched lenses to look at a sample because I couldn’t see it clearly. Right now it appears you are looking through the scratched lenses of hurt and everything may appear wrong to you at this point because damage has been done to your lenses. Sometimes clouding even your ability to see spiritually into a situation. Here is some good advice, it is not easy but it works and the devil won’t like it. When your husband comes home, smile ask him how his day was and don’t bring up church. If he brings it up, keep the conversation away from things that are negative. Don’t allow the devil to hook you into an argument, James 4:7 Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. When you are misunderstood in the body of Christ as you said in the beginning of your post, understand that your local assembly does not represent the entire body. We understand you, so don’t let the devil tell you that lie, that you are misunderstood. One thing you must also be careful of, is to not walk in the spirit of offense. Do not be easily offended by off color remarks by those who do not have your best interest at heart. Do not personalize what people say about you. And do not believe the lie from the enemy that you do not have friends. You + Jesus equals a majority! Under no circumstances are you to yield to the temptation of the enemy to change your belief system to the occult belief of Islam, you know in you heart that this is a lie from the pit of hell itself and was a plan hatched by the devil himself. If you turn your back on God, it may be the last thing you do. Tomorrow is not promised to you. You could curse God today and die tomorrow. Thinking that way is giving in to the devil’s game plan and playing Russian Roulette with your soul. You must know that the devil has no weapons, just a big bag of tricks. You are the one with all the weapons and the armor Ephesians 6:10-18

    10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.

    11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

    12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

    13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

    14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness,

    15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

    16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.

    17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;

    18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints– NKJV

    You said you tried and could not backslide and I say, good
    Don’t try that again, because the next time you might succeed and the devil may ensnare you and kill you while you are in you backslidden state. The devil is simply doing his job and that is to steal, kill ,and destroy. Now it is time to reverse the tables and do the same to him. Steal away your marriage, your sanity, your family and your time from him…..Kill all of his plans before they come to fruition and destroy all of his demons and works with the word of God that is sharper than any two edged sword. Remember fight fire with water. Great everyone with love, don’t fake it, ask God to genuinelly change your heart, God can meet you were you are and make you at peace in any circumstances. If you don’t believe me read the book of Revelations. John was a prisoner (as you say you are), on the Island of Patmos, and he said these marvelous words in the midst of his being outcast and alone, John said “I was in the spirit on the Lords day”. Wow you talk about being able to shout and praise the Lord in a strange and desolate place” John was able to ignore his situation and enter into the throne zone even when he was on the earthly equivalent of a literal hell. God met him right there and communed with him. So don’t think God won’t meet you right were you are, right in the middle of a pack of wolves. I am reminded of Daniel, when the king went to check on him after throwing him in the lions den, Daniel could have said you know what you can kiss my rosy white behind, instead he said “Oh king live forever”. So use these examples of how to deal with near impossible situations and people. God showed me something through a minister once and I will never forget it, he said sometimes we ask God to turn our situations around and he doesn’t. He said and he found out why through the story of the Three Hebrew boys, Shradrach , Meshach, and Abednego. Now God could have turned their situation around and said no I will not let them go into the fiery furnace. Instead he let them go in their, and you know why? Because if he hadn’t we would not know as Christians that we can be in the midst of a fiery impossible situation and still come out not only, without being burnt, but not even smelling like smoke. It may be sister that God doesn’t want to turn your situation around, but maybe he wants to turn you around instead. That is what happened with the Three Hebrew boys, in the midst of the fire, they walked around, chillin! What a mighty God we serve. I will conclude with my favorite quote which is actually two quotes in one. “Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal, there is no pit so deep that God is not yet deeper still”
    Be blessed and not stressed my sister, this is the beginning of a testimony and you cannot have a testimony without first having a test!
    Love Anointed vessel your sister in the Lord
    know this
    you have Alan, myself and all of the bloggers he has listed praying for you and available at the click of a mouse, if you need to call, just visit my page and leave me a comment and I will give you my phone number on your private e-mail
    I am serious about the Lords work and my time is your time
    God bless

  3. Douglas K. Adu-Boahen says:

    Tara,

    Firstly may I say, I empathize with how you feel right now. I have had every “spirit” in the book attached to mine for what, at the time, was just an over-curious mind.

    2 Corinthians 11:1-4 speaks of false apostles, and by direct inference, false preachers who masquerade as messengers of light. Jude 3 and Acts 20:28-32 speaks of those who will creep into the body of Christ as ravening wolves.

    I concur with my brother Isaiah that it would be helpful to know more about who we are dealing with, but for now, I would like to make some general comments.

    Firstly, as hurtful as this may be, please continue to submit to your husband in obedience with Scripture [1 Peter 3:1-2, Ephesians 5:25ff, Colossians 5:18]. Secondly, find some GODLY counsel on this. It is painfully clear your church leadership are only good for mopping up the tithes, so my advice is find a Christian who knows you well and seek counsel for them. Thirdly, and this may be subject to debate, GET OUT OF THAT PLACE!!! As much as it may initially hurt, leave that place, because it will kill your spiritual life to stay there. Of course, getting counsel before doing so will help, but if worst comes to worst and this is clearly wreaking havoc with your spiritual life, then leave and find a church free of these entanglements. Finally, stay in prayer – it is your only weapon against such people.

    Rest assured, I’m praying for you, as I’m sure Alan and the rest of the brethren are.

    In Christ our security,

    Douglas

  4. Tara,

    I thank God through Jesus Christ that He led you to this blog in the first place. This should give you enough confirmation that God is listening to you and guiding you to His truth.

    I live outside of Atlanta, GA (USA) and I am very familiar with the church mafia, particularly because I served in it. My wife wasn’t as persecuted as you are, but she still dealt with me while I was blindly following my pastor and ascending in ministry.

    She knew through the Holy Spirit that the place wasn’t for us and our children, but she couldn’t talk to me about it because I wouldn’t listen. She felt as though my leaders were looking at her as though she were “pulling me down”, so she stayed away from church while I attended dutifully.

    I knew she was tormented, but I prayed that God would change her so that I could climb the ministry ladder without guilt at home. My wife was praying that the eye’s of my understanding would open and that the Lord would show me what was really going on – and she enlisted a small circle of 2 others who were constantly lifting me in prayer.

    She labored for almost 3 years, in accordance with scripture (1 Peter 3:1-2) until 4 months ago God opened my eyes and the lights came on. I iimediately began to see the spirit that was on my former pastor and how I was submitted to the point of death.

    I repented before the Lord and began living out Ephesians 5:25. When I told my wife that I was leaving my former church, she almost fainted – particularly because I was a foot soldier in my former ministry, and that I moved as soon as God opened my eyes.

    I said all of that to say that there is hope when you stay connected to God through Jesus Christ. I don’t know many of the details of which you speak, but I’ve been through enough experiences with God to know that He will not leave you stranded in this dry area.

    Read Hebrews 4:14-16, and know that God is with you…just don’t leave Him.

    I am keeping you in prayer and I’m confident that we’ll hear about how mightily God is moving in your situation :-)

    24The LORD bless thee, and keep thee:

    25The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:

    26The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. (Numbers 6:24-26)

  5. lavrai says:

    Hi, Tara.

    First off, I just want to let you know that you are very much loved…and we would still love you whether you knew the LORD or not…but because you do and so desperately want to remain at HIS side, we love you even more. You are family to us.

    I am sorry that there are folks around you who do not have the Spirit of the LORD in them — if they did, dear Tara, they would be giving you support and listening to your concerns and feelings and helping to guide you to the peace the LORD wants you to have.

    When I say your only solace is in GOD, I truly mean it. Human beings are not reliable, no matter our intentions. Only GOD ALMIGHTY is your true rock and support and friend in time of need. To truly understand and see this, please take a look at the Book of Psalms.

    Although David was not going through your exact situation, he definitely felt persecuted, desperate, alone and even like GOD may have abandoned him. But David didn’t quit, he kept clinging to GOD because time and time again the LORD showed HIMSELF and made it clear that HE cares — and the LORD does care about every single one us. This is the same divine man who asked the FATHER in Heaven to forgive those who were crucifying Him.

    Nothing is impossible for GOD, Tara. And believe me, HE hears your every whisper, knows your every thought and feels the pain that is searing through your heart — and it hurts HIM, too.

    Why doesn’t HE just swoop in and give you some reprieve? HE will. But in HIS own time. I know you’ve heard that before, but it’s the truth. To this day, the LORD has never let me down…and HE doesn’t always ‘show up’ when I think HE should, but HIS timing is always perfect.

    Have you considered that HE’s trying to take you to a place you perhaps need to be to solidify your faith in HIM? I don’t want to sound insensitive or presumptive, but many times it is when we seem to be in that impossible, terrifying situation that the LORD does HIS best work in us.

    This is the hurdle, Tara. This is the challenge you’ve been leading up to. Don’t give in. Trust in your LORD. Your LORD. HE is here for YOU. You know His name. Call him. When the enemy seems to be tormenting you the most, call on Jesus. Rebuke the enemy in the name of Jesus Christ, and plead the blood of Jesus Christ against him. Say, get behind me satan (and anyone can can be a satan, which simply means adversary).

    You must fall before the LORD and pour out your heart to HIM. Confess your sins (and yes, you need to repent everyday, as we all do, since we are natural born sinners…not one of us will ever be perfect until the LORD Jesus Christ steps foot back on this earth and makes it so). Speak truthfully. Tell the LORD you love HIM, you need HIM and will not give in to the devil because you know HE will keep you standing.

    Pray that the LORD sends the Holy Spirit to comfort and guide you. Talk to the Holy Spirit, for he is indeed an active part of the trinity and operates in our lives. Ask the Holy Spirit to dwell within you (and keep the temple acceptable, i.e., your body belongs to the LORD). The LORD hears you and will do what HE promised to do from the very beginning – keep us.

    It may sound strange to read this, but there is nothing you can do of your own accord, Tara. Only the LORD can carry the burdens — no matter the weight. So give it all over to HIM. Stop struggling with it and let HIM pick it up. There is nothing you can do of yourself to change things. But you must be obedient to the LORD and trust HIM. The Holy Spirit will guide you and will let you know if it is the enemy who speaks or a like-minded Spirit-filled person.

    Ask for patience and peace, and the LORD will direct your path. Freedom is just across the threshold and the LORD is waiting there with HIS hand extended out to you. Take it, Tara. Fall before HIM in humility and let it all out. Tell HIM you submit to HIS will and HE will lift you off the floor.

    Psalm 91

    1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

    2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

    3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.

    4 He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

    5 You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,

    6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.

    7 A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.

    8 You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

    9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
    even the LORD, who is my refuge-

    10 then no harm will befall you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.

    11 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;

    12 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

    13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

    14 “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

    15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.

    16 With long life will I satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

  6. Tara says:

    Thank you so much for your comforting words. Praise God I was so encouraged and do find peace now. I feel stronger and my husband and I made some decisions on our spiritual journey on this earth.

    Tara

  7. Karen says:

    Tara,
    I hope you are still reading these responses. I’m going through a very similiar experience. My husband is on staff at a large church and leads worship. I left two years ago. I left because I started reading my Bible and had a strong conviction to listen to the Holy Spirit. Because of this, the elders and CEO spiritually abused him and wouldn’t allow him to worship because his wife wasn’t “in line” and submitting to authority. They made him do menial tasks and wouldn’t let him sing or lead worship as a lesson. Totally a mind control technique. He is still there…I’m heart-broken over the situation but the church pretty much owns our city. The police department, school district and officials bow down to everything they do. In fact, the police have a station in the church to protect the churches assests. No one is allowed to question the main leader. I will pray for you..please pray for me. I cling to the psalms!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Karen

  8. Alan Higgins says:

    Karen, I have emailed Tara with your response

  9. Tara says:

    Hi Karen,

    My Beloved sister in Christ, you are cherished and loved by our Beloved Savior and Friend Jesus Christ. We are all being persecuted for speaking truth. We must continue to stand and not be moved. I was very encouraged when I got a hold of this website and listen to the church mafia. My heart goes out for those who have been abused by church leaders. My pray is to see the broken-hearted and abused come to the fullness of love.

    The song the Lord gave me: HIs love is amazing, steady and unchanging, his love carries me. He will carry us to the very end. Be strong my sister and know I have already been praying for you.

    Tara

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