“But they believe in God..” – The dangers (and disobedience) of missionary dating

Posted: January 16, 2012 in Christian Living
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This is one of those sayings that I hear too many times. I normally hear it after a christian tries to justify dating a non believer. To those who don’t know what missionary dating, it is basically when a Christian dates a non-Christian and then tries to convert them while they are dating them. The Christian knows within their heart that the other person is not a Christian, but deceives themself into thinking that it is still OK because ‘they believe in God’.

A female called TBS wrote to Trisha Ramos (Taken from Fish with Trish) with the following question addressing this point:

I’m dating this Muslim guy, and after my ex’s, which have been Muslim too, I thought I would never date another. I know what I want in my future husband and to have him believe and practice my faith as well. He is completely an awesome guy and I do love him. NOTHING like my past relationships. Ive made it clear I WILL NOT MARRY anyone who isn’t Christian. So he’s told me he loves me as well and would love to learn, look into Christianity and has been doing research on his own as well. Def. would love to bring him to services with me….Ive also questioned his converting.. if that’s what he chooses, I would not want it to be because of me solely and that he would want to on his own. I know he cant get to heaven though ME! My question. Do I wait? Or know this will end terribly and end it now? I’m just so confused and thought I could come to you for some advice! – TBS
Here is the reply which I know will answer many of you who find yourself in a similar position dating a non-believer:
Dear TBS,
<will end terribly and end it now?>>
My advice and the bibles advice: Don’t date him. But rather, witness to him and then keep your distance. If he is a true convert, invite him to church (to meet you there) and that is the only context in which I would see him. Then you’ll see if he is serious about the Lord. If he continues to go for a long period of time and demonstrates genuine repentance, it might be evidence that he is going because of the Lord and not just for you.

Remember, there is no such thing as “missionary” dating. We don’t date to convert. Don’t “date” him in hopes that he will get “saved”. Rather, get to know someone who IS a Christian and then marry.

You are not to be unequally yoked (2 Cor 6:14,1 John 1:6). So scripture is clear that you are to cut it off. Imagine a Christian spouse toying with the question, “Is it okay for me to commit adultery…maybe I’ll pray about it?” Scripture makes it clear that you are never to commit adultery. In the same way, scripture makes it clear that you are not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. You don’t have to debate or pray about cutting it off. God has given you the manual (the Bible) to guide you and to light your path (Psalm 119:105).

And also remember that you have a real adversary (The Devil) who
seeks to devour and destroy you. There is a spiritual battle going on here (2 Cor 10:5, Eph 6:12).

I’m so glad you have emailed. I hope this has helped a bit.

  1. Wow, a great insight and enlight me.
    That,a really good answer.
    Previously i am agree with “misionary dating”, but not anymore.
    May i post this in my own blog and translate into indonesian?
    God bless.

  2. Mstaarabu says:

    So our Lord teaches us to Segragate and Discriminate others?

    “You are not to be unequally yoked (2 Cor 6:14,1 John 1:6). ” This is is pure Racism.

    Damn evil Bible.

    • Alan Higgins says:

      With all due respect, you are ignorant of the scriptures. Where does racism come into this. Please read it IN CONTEXT

  3. Alan, I’d love to send you a copy of my book “The Commandments of God”. Where can I reach you?

  4. Alan Higgins says:

    email me at alanhiggins at hotmail dot com. Let me know when you have emailed it to me so i can check my junk folder

  5. Henry says:


    The response given is the biblically correct one. But the truth is there are many pressures on the single Christian women because there is or seems to be a shortage of suitable young men in the church today. In most churches I have encountered there are more single young women there than single young men and this is perhaps one of the reasons why they go down the route of “missionary dating”. I have an uncle who got married to a Christian woman though he is not a christian. The woman received advice not to marry him but she went ahead anyway. All she wanted was for them to be a proper family and she really wanted it to work but guess what! It ended in disaster and they are now separated. If you are aready married to the unbelieving husband then scripture encourages you (1 Cor 7) to stay with him but don’t leave the church to find husbands outside. One of the clear risks is that the unbelieving partner may turn your heart away from the things of God.

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